It was supposed to be the happiest time of her life. Instead — emptiness, anxiety, and shame for not feeling what she is "supposed" to feel. Postpartum depression does not make someone a bad mother. It is an illness, and it can be treated.
The baby is three weeks old. Everyone says: "You must be on top of the world right now." But she looks at her baby and feels... nothing. Or anxiety. Or the certainty that she is doing everything wrong. Or that everyone would be better off without her. She hides these thoughts — because how could she say them? She is a mother. She is supposed to love.
Postpartum depression (PPD) affects between 10 and 20 percent of women after giving birth. It is not rare, and it is not a sign of weakness or bad motherhood. It is an illness with specific biological, psychological, and social causes — and with effective treatment.
After birth, levels of oestrogen and progesterone drop sharply. These hormones have a significant impact on the brain's neurotransmitter systems, including serotonin. This is the biological foundation of PPD.
Added to this are chronic sleep deprivation (fragmented sleep is profoundly destabilising), physical exhaustion from birth and feeding, a sudden identity shift ("I was myself; now I am a mother"), isolation, and the pressure of expectations — one's own and everyone else's.
Risk factors include a history of depression or anxiety disorders, a difficult birth, limited support, relationship difficulties, and previous miscarriages or pregnancy losses.
The baby blues — mild tearfulness, irritability, and mood swings in the first two to three weeks after birth — are very common and are caused by hormonal changes. They typically resolve on their own.
PPD differs in several ways: it lasts longer (usually beginning or intensifying after the first two weeks), it is more intense, and it interferes with the ability to care for oneself and the baby. Characteristic symptoms include constant anxiety about the baby, fear of harming the baby (intrusive thoughts), a feeling of being a "bad mother," an inability to feel connected to the baby, and thoughts that the baby would be better off without her.
PPD is surrounded by particularly intense shame. Society projects an image of the happy mother, and any deviation from it is experienced as personal failure. Women with PPD often stay silent for months, fearing they will be judged as bad mothers, have their child taken away, or be condemned.
This silence is dangerous. Untreated PPD can persist for years, negatively affect a child's development, and damage family relationships. The earlier help is sought, the better the outcome.
Psychotherapy — particularly CBT and interpersonal therapy — is effective for PPD. Antidepressants (including those compatible with breastfeeding) are indicated for moderate to severe cases. A combination of the two tends to produce the best results.
Practical support is equally important: someone nearby who can take the baby for a few hours. Sleep. The absence of isolation. Partners and family members play a key role here — and they too need to understand what is happening.
If you are going through something like this right now — you are not a bad mother. You are an unwell mother who needs support. And that is a fundamentally different thing.
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This article is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are in a crisis situation, please reach out to a qualified mental health professional or a crisis helpline.