Flying Monkeys: How the Narcissist's Circle Continues the Abuse

"Mom called and says you're being too harsh on him." "Our mutual friends think you're overreacting." "He asked me to tell you he misses you terribly." These are classic signs of "flying monkeys" in action.

1. What "Flying Monkeys" Are

The term comes from "The Wizard of Oz" — the wicked witch used flying monkeys to carry out her errands. In narcissism psychology, "flying monkeys" are people from the close circle whom the narcissist uses as tools of control, surveillance, and pressure on the victim.

They are often not malicious people. They simply believe the narcissist's version, sympathize with them, and want to help "reconcile" the parties — not realizing they've become part of a manipulation.

2. Roles of Flying Monkeys

• Scouts: gather information from the victim and relay it to the narcissist ("how are you, what do you think?")
• Intermediaries: deliver the narcissist's messages when the victim has gone no-contact
• Advocates: persuade the victim to return or forgive ("he's changed," "give him a chance")
• Character witnesses: publicly defend the narcissist's reputation
• Pressure tools: relay threats, create guilt

3. How the Narcissist Creates "Flying Monkeys"

The narcissist carefully controls their public image. To the victim they may show one face — to the circle, another: helpless, suffering, unjustly abandoned. The circle, seeing only this version, sincerely takes their side.

4. What to Do

Don't explain. The victim's explanations to flying monkeys rarely change their position — they're already convinced. Limit information: don't tell flying monkeys about your plans and actions. Set clear boundaries: "I don't discuss X with you." If pressure continues — distance or complete separation.