It is commonly believed that narcissists lack empathy. This is not entirely true: they may be able to understand others' feelings — but choose not to. The difference between cognitive and affective empathy.
"Narcissists are incapable of empathy" — this simplification obscures the real picture. Research in recent years shows a more complex portrait: the problem is not an absence of ability but the motivation to use it.
Psychologists distinguish two components of empathy:
Cognitive empathy — the ability to understand what another person thinks or feels. "I can see you're upset." This is intellectual understanding, not necessarily accompanied by compassion.
Affective empathy — the ability to share another person's feeling, to respond emotionally. "It hurts me that you're hurting." This is emotional resonance.
Neuroimaging studies show something interesting: in people with high narcissism scores, cognitive empathy may be preserved or even above average. They read others well — this often helps them manipulate.
Affective empathy is reduced: the emotional response to others' pain is weaker. And critically, motivation for empathy is reduced: "Why should I care about what you feel if it doesn't concern me?"
A study by Kirsty Kessler et al. (2013) showed: when given special instructions ("imagine yourself in this person's position"), people with narcissistic traits demonstrated normal levels of affective empathy. The ability exists — but doesn't activate by default.
This has important implications: a narcissist can feel empathy when it benefits them, in special circumstances, or when directly asked. But this is not a stable trait — it is a deliberate choice.
A narcissist's partner often encounters a paradox: "Sometimes he understands I'm hurting — and does nothing." This is exactly what research describes: understanding without willingness to respond.
The absence of empathic response is not because the narcissist "can't." It is because in their hierarchy of needs, there is no stable place for another person's needs.
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This article is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not a substitute for professional psychological advice, diagnosis, or treatment. If you are in a crisis situation, please reach out to a qualified mental health professional or a crisis helpline.